Field of Curiosity: A Tool for Authentic Connections While Dating

Dating or building new friendships can be exciting, but it also comes with its fair share of uncertainties. Often, dating starts from a place of insecurity, or even unsafety:

“Does the other person like me?”
“Is it okay to show that I’m interested?”
“Am I coming across as too eager or too distant?”

This can make you hold back or present yourself differently than you are. But if both of you are trying to be the person you think the other is looking for, your connection is based on guesswork and pretense. By the time you find out whether you genuinely like each other, it’s often too late.

So, how do you know if you’re on the same wavelength and curious about the same things? How do you align expectations without it feeling awkward?

That’s a vulnerable conversation. To make it easier, I’ve developed a tool: the Field of Curiosity. This approach helps you clarify your connection by exploring together what you might want to share and build. The goal is to bring safety and authenticity to new encounters so you can be yourself without pretending, and so the person sitting across from you can show the same honesty.

Sharing what you’re curious about might feel nerve-wracking, but it also gives you a much better chance to actually explore it.

Why use the Field of Curiosity?

Quick clarity By expressing what you’re looking for (and what you’re not), you avoid misunderstandings. You’ll quickly discover if you’re a good match without wasting time on imagined expectations.
Safer dating Being open about your wishes and boundaries removes some of the uncertainty. This makes dating or forming new connections less stressful and much more genuine.
More authenticity Honesty about your needs and curiosities allows you to truly get to know each other and find out if you’re compatible. It’s not about making a good impression but about showing who you really are.
A new perspective on dating Shift the focus from questions like “Do I like this person?” or “Does this person like me?” to "Do we fit together" and “Do we want to explore something together?” It’s about mutual curiosity and shared intentions.

When to use the Field of Curiosity

This tool is perfect for the early stages of a date or a relatively new connection. You can also use it to add a new dimension to an existing relationship and explore if there’s something new you could share.

How does it work?

The Field of Curiosity is about having an open conversation where you discuss what you do and don’t want to explore together. You’ll focus on three categories:

No’s:“No’s” are golden. They’re essential for getting initial clarity. What do you not want to explore together at this time?Examples: No romantic relationship, but a friendship is fine. A sensual connection, but not a sexual one. Working out together, but no... Hearing “no” can be confronting, but it’s incredibly helpful in your search. It gives you the exact information you need to know if there’s a real connection and prevents you from hoping for something that might never happen.
Curiosities: What are you curious to explore together? This isn’t a guarantee but an openness to discovering something new. It’s an invitation to see if it could become a “yes.”
Yes’s: Maybe there are already clear “yes’s” about things you want to do together. However, the focus here isn’t on those yet. Your first clarity comes from the “no’s” and “maybes” you put on the table.

This conversation isn’t a fixed conclusion. It’s about sharing how you feel right now.A “maybe” might turn into a “yes” or a “no” after further exploration. Or a “no” might become a curiosity later. When that happens, it can be brought back to the table.

Tools to Start the Conversation

To get the conversation going, start by choosing which activities you’d like to do together—or not.

What do you have time for? What do you need? What would add value to your life?You can also indicate whether these are things you’d prefer to do alone or with others, and in what kind of company. Maybe you’d like to meet one-on-one for personal conversations or work out together with friends. Perhaps it’s important for you to involve your family, or you’d rather stay in your own bubble.

For each “activity tile,” you can add “flavors” or ways you’d like to approach that activity. Do you need peace or playfulness? Are you looking for adventure, seduction, or intellectual stimulation? For example, you might be curious about staying overnight together, but this could be romantic, sensual, or friendly, depending on your intentions. You might want to play-wrestle as a friendly, playful activity—or as something kinky or sexy. Maybe you’re curious about reflecting on life together and supporting each other through tough times. Or perhaps you’d prefer to focus on having fun and trying new things.

A Practical and Open Approach

To make it practical, you can print out the activity and “flavor” options or write them on slips of paper. Each of you creates your own “field” of curiosities, then compares to see where your interests overlap.

Using the Field of Curiosity for Yourself

If you want to reflect on what you’d like more of—or different—in your life, you can use the Field of Curiosity on your own. This can help you identify the types of connections you’re looking for or the kinds of proposals you’d like to make to others.

The Field of Curiosity offers a safe, practical way to explore what you want and expect from each other without needing to know everything upfront or committing to fixed outcomes. It prevents premature conclusions or waiting for something the other person isn’t interested in. This clarity can provide a sense of safety.

It also reframes dating and friendships as a mutual exploration rather than a one-sided quest for approval.

So, what are you curious about? Cut out your tiles and start puzzling!